


The Babysitters

by bec2224



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 02:55:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5113514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bec2224/pseuds/bec2224
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elijah and Dom, would you trust them with your child?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Babysitters

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. This never happened. It’s a figment of my imagination.  
> Author's Note: This series will be flipping back and forth, Sadie could be 1 or she could be 12, or even 22, you never know how old she will be in this series. Tessa, Gavin and Jordan are mine.

Viggo watched as Orli paced back and forth directly in front of him. He'd been listening to Orli complain about the situation for about fifteen minutes now. He was just waiting for a moment to interrupt, but so far Orli hadn't given him a chance to say anything at all. 

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this. Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me you don't have any worries about leaving her with them? None at all? I mean, come on, we're talking about them…watching her. You don 't find anything wrong with this scenario at all?" 

Viggo smiled. Okay, finally a chance for him to speak. He looked directly at Orli and said, "No, I don't have any worries at all. I trust them. Don't you?" 

They'd been having this same conversation off and on since this afternoon. Their regular babysitter was fighting the flu, they'd had this dinner set up with Chris and Sean for weeks now, the wedding was only two months away, and they still had a few details to go over. 

Orli snorted, "I don't think I would trust those two to water my plants, let alone baby-sit our daughter." 

"You let Henry watch her. How come you trust him and not the hobbits?" 

"Because Henry is mentally years older than both of them, even if you put their mental ages together," Orli told him. 

"Fine, if you don't want to go to dinner with Sean and Chris, I'll just call them and tell them we can't make it," Viggo told him as he reached for the phone. 

Orli abruptly sat down next to him on the bed. "I'm over-reacting again aren 't I?" 

Smiling, Viggo pulled him closer. He placed his lips against the side of Orli's neck. "Yeah, and you look so darn cute when you do it, too." 

Orli pushed him away in mock disgust. Getting up again he moved towards the bedroom doorway. "Okay, we're going, but I'm holding you responsible. If they do one thing, one little thing that isn't to my liking, you are so going to pay, Viggo Mortensen." 

"She's going to be fine, Orli, don't worry about it. Hell, if you're going to worry about anyone, worry about Dom and Lij. Maybe we should stay and watch. Watching them two change a diaper aught to be worth a laugh or two." 

"That's not funny, Viggo." 

****** 

"I can't believe Ian sent you this huge plant," Elijah told Orli as they carried the large leafy planter to the corner of the living room. Setting it down a few feet from the television, Orli slid it back until it was directly in the corner. The large rubbery leaves took up the entire corner. 

"I think it was nice of him. Plants create oxygen, and living in LA means we need all the oxygen we can get," Orli stated. 

"But it's so freakin' big, a hobbit family of ten could live in it," Lij told him. 

Viggo came down the steps carrying two dinner jackets in his hands. He headed into his studio for a few minutes, came back out, locked the door and handed one of the jackets to Orli, asking if he was ready. 

"You have all the cell phone numbers, right?" Orli asked Dom for the third time as he slid the jacket on. 

"Yes, all four of them, and the restaurant number, doctor, hospital, police. We even have poison control. We're gonna be fine, your daughter is gonna be fine. Stop worrying, Orli," Dom said as he carried Sadie in his arms to the door. "Sheesh, Orli, I'm starting to think you don't trust us." 

"He doesn't," Viggo said with a smile. "If you break her in any way, there is no place for you to hide. Got that?" 

"You're real funny, Vig. You do trust us, don't you, Orli?" Lij asked as he moved towards the door with them. He didn't receive an answer. "Orli?" 

Viggo leaned in and tried to give his daughter a kiss, but she wanted to play peek-a-boo. "Don't hurt the hobbits too much, poppet." 

Vig finally found her cheek, and swiping a quick kiss against her, he moved to the side to let Orli kiss her too. Orli rubbed his hand against the back of his daughter's head as he kissed her on the lips. 

"This isn't funny, Vig. Okay, it's five forty-five, she's been fed, if she wants a snack there are some salt-free crackers in the tin next to the fridge, only two crackers, and make sure you put her in her chair to eat them, she'll make a total mess if you don't, I put her sippy cup on the counter, only give her the juice in the blue pitcher, it's already been watered down and use a bib, it's on the counter next to the cup, and no juice after six thirty, she just gets all wound up from the sugar, bath-time is seven thirty, I left her pajamas and a diaper on the changing table in her bedroom, there are extra diapers in the cabinet next to the kitchen door and please don't put the used diapers in the house bin, put them in the trash bin outside, next to the deck, oh and bed by eight, understand, eight sharp, don't keep her up past her bed-time, it's taken us a long time to get her on this schedule, and I don't need you messing it up." Orli finally finished up, taking a needed breath as he eyed his daughter and the two young men in front of him. Before he had a chance to start up again Viggo pulled him towards the doorway. 

"You wrote it all down, Angel. Let's go, the Astins are waiting," Viggo said impatiently. 

"If you need me just call on the cell phone, I have mine with me, the number is…" Viggo pulled him through the door before he could finish. 

As the door shut, Sadie clapped her hands together and giggled out loud. 

"Your dada is crazy, little girl. I hope you grow up to take after your Poppie," Dom said as he smiled down at the little girl. 

"Oh yeah, just what we want, a brooding, artistic female version of Viggo. That's a pretty picture," Lij said sarcastically as he sat down on the couch. Reaching for the remote control, he started surfing through the channels. 

Dom sat next to him, and standing Sadie on his legs he watched her reach out and grab Elijah's hair. He could have warned his friend, but where was the fun in warning him? 

"Owww. Dom, don't let her do that," Elijah said as he gently pulled her fingers out of his hair. 

"She's expressing herself, artistically," Dom said with a grin. 

"Let her get artistic on you," Lij told him. 

For the next few minutes the room was silent except for the music coming from the television and the spurts of baby talk coming from Sadie. After a few minutes Sadie started dancing on Dom's legs along with the music video. Elijah laughed as he watched her little legs bounce back and forth. He watched her mouth open and close along with the words. 

"Hey look, she's trying to sing along, isn't that cute?" Elijah said. He looked at Dom and noticed the look on the older man face, lips all pinched together. "What, why are you looking like that?" 

"I think she needs her diaper changed," Dom said as he pushed the baby towards the other man. "Remember our agreement, you'd change her, I'll give her a bath." 

Lij stood and backed away. "Change her…but…ah, I'll tell ya what, I'll give you ten bucks if you do it." 

"We had an agreement Elijah, you're changing her…like I'd do it for ten bucks, anyway," Dom told him as he stood and tried to hand the baby to Elijah. 

"Twenty…I'll give you twenty…please, Dom. You have all those cousins, you said you did it before, come on," Lij pleaded with the man. 

"No, you change her, I bathe her. We had an agreement." 

"Fifty, I'll give you fifty." Elijah had his wallet out and was counting the bills stuffed inside of it. 

"Nope," Dom told him holding Sadie out towards Elijah again. She swung her legs up and down. 

Lij mumbled under his breath and shoved a handful of bills at Dom, the money sticking out every which way. 

"One hundred and seventy-five dollars, Monaghan. Come on, just think about it, all this money for five minutes of work." Elijah smiled at the other man. "I've never changed a kid before, ever. You have, it'll be safer this way." 

Dom stopped and thought about it for a second, then he smiled. "Five hundred. Give me five hundred pounds…I mean dollars, and you've got yourself a deal." 

The smile left Elijah's face. "I'm not paying you five hundred dollars, no way, man." 

"Okay, then, here ya go, get to it." Dom smiled and held Sadie out towards Elijah again. "Come on Elwood. She's gonna get a rash, and then you're gonna have to deal with Orli. Which will it be, change her? Or suffer the wrath of the dada from hell?" 

Elijah sputtered for a moment, then he stuffed the money back into his wallet and took Sadie into his arms. 

"Okay, I can do this. I've hung off cliffs, I've faced creatures from outer space, I've faced twelve-year-old fans. I can change one small little smelly diaper." 

"Right. Well, get to it, the diapers are right over there. Let me get that changing pad thingie." Dom walked to the cabinet that held all of Sadie's things, picked up the large changing pad, and spread it out over the sofa. Turning back, he grabbed a blue plastic box and a small tube of cream and laid them on the sofa next to the changing pad. "It's all yours, Elwood, show me your best acting skills." 

Elijah looked down at the small face below his chin and smiled. "We can do this, Sadie, it's gonna be a piece of cake." 

Opening the cabinet, he removed a fresh diaper and moved back towards the sofa. Laying the baby down as gently as possible he laid the diaper on the nearby coffee table and smiled at Sadie. She stared at him for a few moments with a bewildered look on her face and then she shrilled loudly, trying to sit up. 

"Nope, you've got to stay laying down for this, sweetie. Can you hold her arms Dom? I'll do the rest, you just hold her down, okay?" 

Dom laid his hands over her small arms and gently pressed her down into the cushion. "Hurry up or she's gonna start wailing soon." 

Elijah leaned over and swiped his nose against her soft cheek. "Not our Sadie, she doesn't wail, do you, sweetie?" She was making small snorting sounds and arching her back off the sofa. 

Elijah slipped the small yellow shorts off and pulled the tapes back on the diaper. As he pulled it away from Sadie's body a strong odor filled the room. 

"Oh My God," Elijah and Dom both cried as they turned their faces away. 

"I can't believe one small baby can smell this bad," Elijah said. "This is disgusting." He closed the diaper back up. 

"No, Lij, you have to do it now, she's gonna get sore if you leave it on too long," Dom told him. He still held his face in the opposite direction of the diaper. 

Elijah looked up at his friend and smiled. "Do you want the five hundred in cash or will you take a check?" 

"Forget it, just forget it, you're doing it. Do it…now." 

Elijah took a large breath and pulled the diaper open again. 

Dom let go of one of Sadie's arms and reached for the blue plastic box. Pulling out a handful of the damp towelettes, he handed them towards Lij. "Here, wipe her down with these…no, not all of them at once, just use one at a time." 

"Why does there have to be so many nooks and crannies? I mean this sh-…stuff is everywhere…this is so gross, Dom, how do people do this?" Once he had her cleaned up he placed the clean diaper under her and rubbed some of the cream onto her bottom. 

"Lij, you have to put some of the cream in the nooks and crannies too," Dom said with a smirk. 

"I swear I'm never having kids…never," Elijah said as he fastened the tapes. He struggled with the shorts a few more minutes. Sadie was babbling loudly, she wanted up and she wanted up now. "Okay, I'm almost done, give me a freakin' minute here." 

Dom collected all the soiled towelettes and dropped them into the used diaper; taping it all back up he quickly ran it out back and dumped it into the bin. Locking the patio doors again, he took over re-dressing the baby and lifted her up into the air. 

"There you go, Miss Sadie, you're the only baby in the world to have super-star Elijah Wood, Frodo Baggins himself, change your nappies." 

Sadie sang a few nonsense words along with Dom and with a few claps of her hands she let out a loud giggle. 

"I swear she has to be the happiest baby in the world," Elijah said as he stretched out on the couch. "Christopher screams and cries all the time, but not Sadie, she never cries." 

"It's 'cause she's a woman," Dom stated. "They have these secret codes that they tell each other from birth. We men never stand a chance, right, sweetie?" 

"But she's been raised by two men, who's gonna tell her all the secrets?" Elijah asked him with a straight face. 

"Take your pick. Alex, Chris, Exene, Liv, they're all women and they all know the secret code." Dom turned and carried the baby towards the playpen sitting just to the left of the large patio doors. "Come on, little one, let 's see what kind of toys we have in here." 

Bending over, he sat Sadie in the middle of the playpen, grabbed the large blanket laid over the back of the playpen, and spread it out on the floor in front of the large-screen television set. Grabbing as many of the toys as he could out of the small toy chest next to the playpen, he spread them out on the blanket. Turning once more he picked Sadie back up and then stood her on the blanket. He lay down on the blanket next to her and started to examine the toys. 

"Let's see what we have here, ahh, a telephone. We can't get into any trouble with that. Not an ounce of sugar in the thing. Nothing to cause your dada to freak the hell out." 

"Monaghan, you can't talk like that around her. Remember what happened when you said fuck in front of Christopher. Christine almost kicked your ass when he repeated it. I don't think Orli would restrain himself like Chris did," Elijah said from the couch. 

Dom put the phone to her ear, "I'm sorry, I forgot myself for a moment. But then you can't say fuck, either, or ass." 

Elijah screwed up his face. "Christ, stop saying that. We have to stop talking about this, she's gonna start cursing in front of Orli and we're dead. You heard Viggo, he doesn't trust us as it is." 

Sadie stood and waddled her way towards the television set, placing both hands over the channel buttons. She'd been here before, but her fathers usually got to her before she could have any fun. Turning to look at the two grown-ups behind her, she started turning the channels. She giggled as the pictures flew by one by one. 

"Sadie, don't do that," Lij told her as he pushed the buttons back to the music video he had been watching. It was gone in a second again, accompanied by another giggle. She liked playing this game, and as long as she was happy Lij decided to let her play. 

"Watch her so I can get her snack ready," Dom told the other boy as he stood up and headed for the kitchen. 

As Dom removed the juice pitcher from the fridge he noticed a small set of paints on the table next to a large sketchpad. "These must be Sadie's, do you think we should let her finger paint?" 

"Sure, as long as you don't let her eat the paint. There might be sugar in there, and Orli will smell it on her breath," Lij laughed out loud. "And then you're dead." 

The paper was too big to fit on the highchair tray so he looked for a pair of scissors to cut it down. Lij walked into the kitchen carrying the baby. 

"She's only a year old, can she even paint yet?" Lij asked as he watched Dom go through drawers. 

"How should I know? What's so hard about it? And they're her parents, they bought the paints, it must be okay," Dom told him. 

Lij placed Sadie in her highchair and connecting the lap belt around her, he slid the tray closer to her. 

"Here ya go," Lij said as he opened the tubes of paints and set them down on the tray in front of Sadie. He turned and reached for the paper. 

"Here, just tear off a piece, she doesn't care if it's not straight." Lij grabbed the sheet and tore it in half. They both turned to find Sadie with her fingers in her mouth. There were large smears of blue paint all over her face. 

"Lij, you weren't watching her." Dom grabbed one hand and held it away from her lips. "Get me a wet rag, I need to wipe her face off." 

Lij turned, grabbed the dishrag, turned the tap on and held the rag under it for a few seconds. Turning back around he screamed at Dom, "Grab her other hand, she's eating more of it." 

Dom looked down to find Sadie's other hand in her mouth. Red had now been added to her cheeks. 

"Okay, so finger-painting wasn't such a good idea," Dom mumbled. 

****** 

"All the tuxedos are ready, we just have to have everyone pick theirs up," Chris said as she checked off the tuxes. "I love the fact that you went with everyone, including Liv, wearing a tux. It's so romantic." 

"And people don't expect romance in a gay wedding," Orli said. "We'll just have to change their views on that, won't we?" 

They had ordered, and were going through one of Chris's various checklists. The woman was the world's best list keeper, Sean had told Orli months ago when Orli had asked her for her help with the wedding. 

"My friend Tracy called me again, we can still get the Four Seasons' banquet room if you want it." 

"No," Vig said before she even finished her sentence. "We're having it at the house. End of story." 

Chris looked from Vig to Orli and then back again. 

"You heard him, we're having it at the house," Orli said with a smile. "He won't change his mind about that. Believe me, I've tried." 

"Why the house?" Sean asked Vig. 

"Cause if I want to get drunk I can, if I want to relax I can. I couldn't relax in a big stuffy restaurant or hotel," Vig told him. 

"Okay…" Chris said slowly. "All the hotel rooms are set for the out-of-towners. All of the New Zealand cast members are taken care of, Beanie and Ian are staying with us, and Karl and Craig will be staying at Dom's. Harry is staying at the Standard with Hugo and his family. Peter, Fran and Phil are staying with Barrie, so that's all taken care of. I have Sala, Shane and Lawrence at the Standard, too. Their rooms are to be right next to Harry's. They promised so I'm holding them to it. Big reduction in rates if it happen." 

"Don't ya love it when she takes control like that? Gives me goose bumps to see my wife all boss-like," Sean said with a smile. 

"That's not what you said when I told you we weren't moving to Culver City," Chris told him. 

"Well, I don't like it when it's directed at me," Sean mumbled. 

"Maybe I should call them…just to see if everything is okay," Orli said as he stuck his hand into his jacket pocket and retrieved his cell phone. 

 

Viggo and Sean were shaking their heads no. 

Christine smiled, "They're fine, Sadie's fine. Just enjoy your dinner. I have more experience than you, and I would trust them with my kids." 

"Yeah right, like that's going to happen," Sean said under his breath. 

Orli turned and glared at him. Chris elbowed Sean. Viggo laughed out loud. 

"Ignore them, Orli, Sean and Viggo are just making trouble at your expense. She's fine." 

"I'm going to call. Just to make sure," Orli told them as he picked up his cell phone. 

****** 

"She's fine, Orli, everything is under control, she's having her crackers right now, then it's off to the bathtub. Yes, I know only two inches of water, and yes we'll make sure it's not too hot." Elijah rolled his eyes at Dom, who was still trying to get all the paint off of Sadie's fingers, at least the paint she hadn't eaten already. 

"What? Fine, we won't bathe her; we'll just put her pajamas on her and put her to bed. Yes, okay, later." 

"Is it coming off?" Elijah asked as he put the phone back on its base. He picked up the paints and started reading the label. 

"No, her fingers are still red and blue, and so is her face. What are we going to do?" Dom pleaded. "He's so going to kill us." 

"I don't think these are her paints, Dom, I think they belong to Viggo. And what do you mean, us? You gave her the paints," Lij told him. 

"No, I was trying to cut the paper, you gave her the paints," Dom told his friend. 

"But you're the one who said you were going to let her finger-paint, remember." 

"Here, take her, and go start her bath," Dom said. 

"Orli said not to give her a bath, he'll do it tomorrow," Lij said as he blew raspberries on Sadie's neck. 

"We have to give her a bath, this isn't coming off. Just go do it," Dom said over the loud giggles that were coming from the baby. 

He tried to wipe as much paint off the baby's tray as he could, but there were still faint red and blue streaks on it. Setting it to the side he closed up the paints and wiped the small box down. Heading for the stairs he could hear the bathwater as he made his way up. 

He turned into Viggo and Orli's room and headed towards Sadie's nursery, and grabbing the pajamas and diaper that Orli had laid out he headed for the bathroom. 

"Where's the baby?" Dom asked Elijah as he looked into the empty tub. 

"I put her on her blanket, didn't you see her?" Elijah told him. 

"No, but I thought you had brought her up here with you," Dom said as he turned around and headed back towards the steps. 

He spied the empty blanket from the staircase. His eyes scanned from one end of the room to the other. No Sadie. 

"Ah, Lij, where did you put her?" Dom yelled up the steps. 

Elijah came to the top of the steps. "On her blanket, right there in front of the…oh My God, where is she?" 

"She's not on her blanket," Dom said as he moved around the large sofa. 

Lij ran down the steps. "I put her right in front of the television, I swear I did. She's not a set of car keys, Dom, I remember where I put her. She has to be here." 

Dom ran to the deck doors and pulled the handle, but the lock held in place. "She can walk, Lij, she could be anywhere." 

Turning back towards the room he scanned every inch of it, no baby. He reached to his left and tried the studio door. Nope, still locked, she couldn't have found her way in there. 

"Where is she, Dom?" Lij said as he dropped to the floor and looked under the couch. 

"She didn't crawl under there, use your head. Check the kitchen. I'll check the hall and downstairs bedrooms." Dom headed towards the short hallway tucked behind the staircase. All the doors were shut so she couldn't have gotten into any of the rooms. 

"She's not in the kitchen," Lij said as he entered the hallway, his hands worrying through his hair. "Where the hell is she, Dom?" 

"Okay, just stop and think, if you were a baby and you wanted to hide, where would you be?" Dom said as he headed for the living room again. 

"I'm not the method actor, that's Viggo. I have no freakin' clue what the hell a baby thinks," Elijah told him. 

"Well, just think of it this way, if we don't find her that method actor is going to methodically kill you…us. But that will be the easy part, because when he's done with us then Orli is going to skin our dead bodies and torture us until the end of time. This is not happening. You just don't lose babies, she's got to be here somewhere." 

Elijah reached over and switched the television off and silence filled the room. They both stood there and stared at each other for a few seconds. Dom suddenly turned his head, put his hand out palm up, and waited. 

"What?" Elijah said. 

"Shhh…listen." 

Elijah cocked his head to the side and listened. He had no idea what he was listening for but he quietly stood and waited. Finally he heard it, a slight snoring noise, the quietest little snore that Elijah had ever heard. 

"Where's it coming from?" he whispered to Dom. 

Dom shook his head, "I'm not sure, but she's somewhere in this room. This way I think." 

Elijah watched as he moved past the television and stood in front of the large plant, and they both stood and listened again. 

Elijah suddenly shook his head, laughed and headed for the plant. "I warned Orli that a family of hobbits could live in this thing, but I didn't think Sadie was listening to me." 

Dom watched as he slowly pulled a handful of the large, green rubbery leaves aside. There, with her butt propped up in the large plastic planter, hidden behind the large leaves, was Sadie, fast asleep. Lij held the leaves to the side as he gently removed her from the plant; lightly dusting the potting soil off her he quietly carried her to the stairs. 

"Let's get her to bed before anything else happens." 

Dom carried her straight into her room, Elijah trailing behind. As gently as possible he removed her tiny shorts set and placed the pajamas on her small body. She never woke up. They laid her into her crib, wound the small unicorn carousel up and quietly backed out of the room. Closing the door behind them, they both sighed dramatically and leaned against the door. 

The sound of water could be heard coming from the open bathroom door. 

"Lij, did we leave the bath running?" Dom asked him quietly. 

"Oh shit," Elijah exclaimed as they both ran for the bathroom. 

******* 

"See everything is fine. There was nothing to worry about," Elijah whispered to Orli as he stood over his daughter as she slept soundly in her crib. He backed away and left Orli watching his small daughter sleep. 

He met Dom at the top of the stairs. "Did he suspect anything?" Dom questioned. 

"Nope, didn't say a word," Elijah said as they both walked down the steps. 

Viggo was standing at the bottom of the steps with the colorful dishrag in his hands. "Painting, were we?" 

Dom snatched it out of his hands. "We'll return this with the towels in a few days." 

"Towels?" Vig asked. 

"Don't ask," Elijah told him, Dom handed him the wet rag. "I'm just going to go put this with the towels in the trunk. I'll be in the car, Dom, whenever you're ready. 

"Am I allowed to ask what happened to the plant in the corner?" Viggo pointed to the plant, now separated into two parts and leaning towards the floor. There were small piles of potting soil next to the planter. 

"No, you're not allowed to ask," Dom told him as he moved towards the door. "And by the way, Viggo, if we ever get it into our heads again that we want to baby-sit for you – would you just slap us? Okay?" 

"My pleasure," Viggo told him as he closed the door behind him. Heading towards the kitchen he grabbed the dust buster down off the walls and cleaned up the small piles of dirt and tried to put the plant back in shape. 

Orli came back down the steps as he replaced the appliance on the wall. 

"Okay, you were right, they did a good job. I guess we don't have to worry about them watching her again. She doesn't seem to be traumatized by the ordeal." 

"She's not, but what about them?" Viggo laughed as he walked towards the door to his studio. Unlocking it, he went through the door and Orli could hear muffled sounds coming from inside the room. Viggo returned a few minutes later, holding a videotape in his hand. 

"You didn't?" Orli said with a grin. "Did you tape them?" 

"What do you think? You just thought about the danger to our daughter. Hell, I knew she would be fine, but I figured that between the two of them, Dom and Lij babysitting would be good for a laugh or two." He inserted the tape into the machine, grabbed the remote and took a seat in the large overstuffed chair. 

Orli flopped down next to him, covered his eyes, and sighed. "I don't know if I can watch this." 

"I wouldn't miss it for the world. Hell, just think, we can show it at the wedding reception." 

"You wouldn't," Orli said with a laugh. "Bloody hell, I forgot who I was talking to, of course you would. But promise me something." 

"What?" Vig said as he hit play.

"No matter how funny it is, you are not putting it up on eBay." 

end


End file.
